Sleep, Grief, and Nervous System Health with Dr. Mekel Harris

Did you know that one in two people develop sleep problems or insomnia after experiencing a loss? Dr. Mekel Harris (she/her), a licensed psychologist specializing in grief and loss, joins Brea Johnson on the Heart and Bones Podcast to explore the effects of grief on sleep and the nervous system.

Dr. Harris shares not only personal insights, but her professional expertise on finding ease during life’s most challenging times, whether due to the grief of losing a loved one or significant life changes.

If you have been suffering from sleep disruptions as you grieve, Dr. Harris emphasizes the importance of normalizing this experience, and offers practical strategies to support the nervous] system through gentle movement, somatic practices, and grounding exercises. Advocating for intentionally scheduling time to grieve, she discusses the lifelong nature of grief, providing listeners with tools to manage their experiences constructively and compassionately.

Understanding Grief's Impact on Sleep

Knowing that one in two people develop sleep problems or insomnia after experiencing significant loss, grief should be seen as a universal experience impacting physical health. Dr. Mekel Harris emphasizes, "we're not just talking about the death of a person, but … life transitions, loss of expectations, a lot of things that we experienced around the pandemic and so forth." She explains the physiological impacts, noting, "our nervous system is designed to stay in what we call homeostasis or balance, and it loves it there. However, when there's a sudden or even an anticipated loss of some sort, the nervous system kicks into sort of that fight mode." Dr. Harris highlights how cortisol, a stress hormone directly linked to sleep disruption, plays a crucial role. Understanding these biological responses helps normalize the sleep disturbances associated with grief, reducing feelings of isolation and emphasizing the shared nature of these experiences.

The Nervous System's Role in Grief

Grief significantly impacts the nervous system, disrupting its regular balance. This disruption can result in increased stress levels and disrupted sleep patterns. Dr. Mekel Harris explains, "What that does is it literally rattles the nervous system. So our nervous system is designed to stay in what we call homeostasis or balance, and it loves it there. However, when there's a sudden or even an anticipated loss of some sort, the nervous system kicks into sort of that fight mode." This reaction is crucial as it helps the body manage the immediate stress of loss, but when prolonged, it results in the release of cortisol, a stress hormone that is inextricably linked to sleep disruption. Sharing her personal journey, Dr. Harris reveals, "When my mom died, sleep was completely out of whack, in large part related to me sort of being in the bed with her when she passed away." This personal experience underscores the substantial effect of grief on one's physical condition. It emphasizes the need to understand and address these physiological responses to promote healing.

Practical Strategies for Managing Grief and Supporting Sleep

Dr. Harris advocates for the integration of gentle, somatic practices to manage the physical symptoms of grief, highlighting the benefits of shifting from high-intensity activities, which can elevate cortisol levels, to more calming movements. She explains, "I am a person who loves cardio. And when my mom died, I remember going to my physician and I was like, gosh, things are out of whack and I'm working hard. I'm doing cardio. I'm trying to make myself exhausted, like just to wear me out because my sleep was so bad. And the doctor was like, actually, what I want you to focus on is moving as slow as possible." This approach helps to lower the heart rate and blood pressure, providing relief to the agitated nervous system and aiding in better sleep.

Practical Steps:

1. Sight: Observe and note five things you can visually identify in your immediate surroundings.
2. Sound: Acknowledge four different sounds you can hear at the moment.
3. Touch: Connect physically with three objects around you and notice their textures.
4. Internal Sensations: Pay attention to two sensations within your body, which could be any feeling or movement.
5. Smell: Identify one smell, focusing on any aroma that you can detect.

By progressively engaging each sense, this exercise promotes mindfulness and grounding. It shifts focus away from overwhelming emotions and stabilizes the nervous system, reducing anxiety and helping to prepare the mind and body for restful sleep.

Managing Grief as a Lifelong Process

Dr. Harris stresses that grief is a lifelong journey and recommends establishing routines and intentionally setting aside time to grieve. This approach, while perhaps counterintuitive, can help with managing the overwhelming nature of grief. She explains, "Grieving is really shining a light on what I like to call your coping menu... Part of the work of grieving is identifying what else you can put on that menu."

"You want to have a great arsenal or coping menu items so that you can really pull from them and do a little bit of trial and error," Dr. Harris suggests. This strategy helps individuals find what works best for them over time as their needs and reactions to grief evolve.

By scheduling grief, there is an allowance for controlled and focused emotional expression, reducing the likelihood of these feelings overwhelming the individual unexpectedly. Dr. Harris shares, "I have scheduled 30 minutes where it’s my grief time. In that time, I may be screaming, crying, … journaling, meditating, whatever it is, but it’s an opportunity to really intentionally allow myself to specifically focus on grief."

Benefits of Scheduled Grieving:

Prevents Overwhelm: By allocating specific times to engage with grief, individuals are less likely to feel overwhelmed by unexpected surges of emotion.

Creates Structure: Establishing a routine provides a sense of control and predictability, which can be comforting amidst the chaos of loss.

Facilitates Healing: Intentional grieving helps process emotions in a healthy way, allowing for gradual adjustment to life changes.

Dr. Harris this approach also links to the body’s need for regular, predictable practices that support emotional stability and healing. A methodical approach to handling grief not only acknowledges its presence but also integrates it constructively into daily life, ensuring that grief is managed with compassion and mindfulness.

Embracing Support and Normalizing Grief

Grief, a profound and inevitable part of life, demands as much attention and care as any significant health concern. Community plays an important role in navigating the complexities of grief. Dr. Harris advocates for a societal shift in how we perceive and handle grief, promoting an environment where emotional struggles are acknowledged and shared openly.

"We need to normalize the experience of grief and recognize that it’s not something to go through alone. Community and support networks play a pivotal role in the healing process."

Support matters because of:

Shared Experiences: Engaging with others who have similar experiences can alleviate the isolation that often accompanies grief, providing a sense of solidarity and understanding.

Open Dialogues: Normalizing discussions about grief helps break down the stigmas associated with expressing vulnerability and seeking help.

Access to Resources: Communities can provide vital resources such as grief counseling, support groups, and educational materials that empower individuals to manage their grief more effectively.

If you enjoyed this episode and blog, you can also find Dr. Mekel Harris inside Heart + Bones Online yoga studio leading classes on the topic of grief.

More About Dr. Mekel Harris

Dr. Mekel Harris, Ph.D., NCSP, PMH-C, is a renowned psychologist and grief specialist who has dedicated her career to helping individuals navigate the complexities of loss. After the profound impact of her mother's passing, Dr. Harris redirected her focus to specialize in grief and loss, aiming to provide the support she once needed herself. She combines talk therapy with somatic practices in a compassionate approach, enhancing her clients' healing journeys.